Not Every Recluse Suffers From Social Anxiety Disorder

Not every reclusive person suffers from social anxiety disorder.  Some people just don’t like to mingle.  Some people find themselves uncomfortable in social situations and avoid them not so much out of fear, but out of preference .

Personally, I love being home alone.  I love not having to explain myself, to persuade others to accommodate my needs, to wonder how I’m judged and not having to figure out my place and my position in unfamiliar surroundings. I’m King  in my home and “It’s Good to Be the King”.

Okay, I can see in the preceding paragraph, that these preferences can be limiting.  I can see symptoms which are also present in those who do in fact suffer from social anxiety disorder, but I do not regard a preference for solitude necessarily as a disorder.

“I’ve deliberately created a business which enables me to work from my home and avoid interacting with too many people, however as the economy continues to slide and  my business model is forced to adapt, I am having some difficulty adjusting to having to interact with other people and my finances are suffering as a consequence.” Should this person be unable to adjust, I believe you would cross the boundary from preference to disorder.

I, like many, really don’t like people as a whole. I find little value in trite everyday conversation.  In my youth I had a rich social life.  My hormones overcame my discomfort.  But as those needs diminished over time, so did my willingness to pay social dues. I would resent having to pay those dues again for the sake of a few dollars, but I could and would do it. I just wouldn’t be happy about it.

I understand extreme social anxiety, but I assert strongly that not everyone who’s chosen to sequestered themselves, suffers from a disorder anymore than those of us who prefer to eat vanilla ice cream suffer  from a chocolate anxiety disorder.  I personally would just prefer to be alone… most of the time. And I favor Cherry Garcia.

I’m encountering more and more people who have chosen the  path of semi-isolation, of adapting their careers and lifestyles to their personal preference of avoiding anxiety producing situations.  Perhaps the very fact that social situations produce anxiety, is a manifestation of a disorder, but I don’t think so.  We see enough television (news) and have enough negative memories to believe rightly that social interaction has risks. It can lead to conflicts, it can lead to friendships that invade boundaries, obligations which cause resentment and waste a lot of time that can be used for productivity and creativity. Only the individual can decide whether any gain from interacting is worth the price.

As long as it does not limit the quality of one’s life; as long as it does not prevent self actualization and the fulfillment of needs; and as long as it continues to feel like a choice rather than a phobia, creating a lifestyle of semi-solitude is just fine.

 
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Comments

    • Cytherea
    • August 19, 2014

    Thankyou for this article! I struggle to go out and only really see 1-3 people who I allow into my world. I have a past that has contributed to these feelings and I feel the need to protect my children from people especially where I live. I have learnt not to trust people and I dont particularly like people that much. Im very honest almost to a fault and find people to be manipulative, misguided and two faced. Something that greatly upsets me and makes me feel angry at the human race. People arent very kind and dont tend to listen so I generally avoid them. I LOVE spending time with just me, my family and my two children. My children are my world, its all I really need 🙂 Im comfortable in my own skin to be alone and cope well if I need to be. I dont have a ‘problem’ or a ‘disorder’, im quite content! 🙂

    • JJ
    • September 21, 2014

    Skipping a big social event this evening and feeling somewhat guilty for sending my partner on his own, but I really need to avoid all that chitchat tonight and just be alone for awhile to recharge the inner battery…

    For me, it’s mostly about expectations. As soon as I start interacting with folks, they always seem to want more than I’m willing to give. My partner is the exception. He knows I NEED some solitude now and then, and he accepts me as I am. Most of the time, anyway.

    Thanks for the post!

    • bel
    • October 4, 2014

    What a great blog-I can identify with your article re: modern cave dwellers.

    Having a great liking for my own (and my animals”) company, why would I want to change? At 58 years old, I think I’ve earned the right to live as I please- as long as I’m not hurting anyone else.

    I really have tried very hard to socialize- meetings, groups etc.
    but I have found these experiences sadly lacking in so many ways. I can’t believe that I was socializing because someone else said I should do that.

    Actually, I surprised myself by even going to these events- and really, I only tortured myself in doing so, but I gave it a try anyway. It’s only reinforced my desire to be a hermit!

    I thoroughly enjoy my time, once a week, when I help out at the local animal shelter and I think I am quite happy to leave my social life at that. I would love to move from the ‘burbs, so I can have some ‘quiet space’ around me – I just have to convince my partner of this idea!

    Other contributors may like to know that I’ve spoken to a psychologist about the ‘recluse decision’. Her opinion is that there’s nothing wrong with it, IF that is what you want, as opposed to a ‘social anxiety’ disorder , in which you want to socialize, but are too anxious to do so. Anyway, there’s some food for thought there.

    Thanks so much for your inspiring article.

  1. Pingback: Social Anxiety Disorder Movies | Over Here Blogging

    • Dan Hüssch
    • January 5, 2015

    While I do have bouts of depression from time to time (I think mild Bipolar) I find I have become more “spiritual” the more I have became reclusive, I also now try to stay away from toxic parts of the Internet like reddit or youtube and I feel much better. I find modern society has become very intolerant of individuality, which is another reason for me to become reclusive. All they want you to do these days is have sex, party, and drink cheap beer with a social circle of others, and talk all the damn time. Yeah sorry if I’m quiet and don’t like doing that sort of meaningless trash, oh puh-lease. I have never even considered inviting friend over either I feel it invades myrivacy. I also fiercely dislike small talk, I have no damn idea what to freaking say, I am introverted, and would much rather spend time inside my own mind. I am seriously considering working at home doing freelance work.

    Again I find modern society too intolerant of individuality and eccentricity, and too dependant on all this “socializing” nonsense. Funny, many of the greatest minds were very introverted, individualistic, and eccentric. Ludwig Van Beethoven, Sir Isaac Newton, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Nikola Tesla, Leonardo DaVinci, Michelangelo, Mark Twain, to name a few, were all either individualistic, introverted, or eccentric, or both or even a combination of all three. I always think if, say, Beethoven for example, was somehow magically teleported into our modern world, I highly doubt he would have a job due to his “difference”, he would very well likely be a bum on the streets.

  2. Wonderful site. So happy to see so many who share the same feelings as I about spending time alone and enjoying it. The world is driving me mad so I choose to spend time by myself doing the things that make me feel good. At one time I felt like an outcast but I’m getting to understand that I just do not meld well with most people nor do I have the time to waste on no nonsense talk, etc. I cannot stand going out with a bunch of people who just talk over one another and in essence say nothing of importance. So many people just get together and talk about others which I find quite awful…Being an HSP (highly sensitive person) leaves me without patience for all the nonsense people get into. Thanks again for this great site….

    • Diane
    • April 12, 2015

    Wow, this comment thread is a real find. I am one of you. 🙂 I feel exactly the way all of you do, and it is so good to know that. I used to be so social, all through my 30’s, raising my daughter, step-parenting a son, being in bands, working customer-service jobs, and participating in art groups. I lived in my home town until I was 39 so was inundated with people I’d known all my life, constantly. No living anonymously, no privacy, until finally my husband and kids and I moved to Portland. But even here people drive me crazy. Everywhere people are rude, aggressively selfish, bad parents, terrible drivers, and so gross. (What is up with so much spitting?! So disgusting!) I end up hating humanity every time I leave. I’d much rather hang out in my sweet little house and garden with my dog and cat than brave a movie theater or a bar or even the grocery store, which is a particular hell hole. I hate crowds and it seems the whole world is all about crowds right now – the “quirkier” the better. But gathering with thousands for a “rubber duck float” on the river, a “naked bike ride” through downtown, or even just a “northwest brew fest” filled with thousands of drinking hipsters…all makes me want to run for the hills. I do not get why these kinds of mass activities are considered “fun”? Unfortunately not all is peaceful in my home. My daughter is 17 and so very difficult, she makes it a toxic place to be and I have nowhere to recuperate. I can’t wait until she moves out and I can have the peace and serenity that I need to survive. 🙁 Thanks to all of you for writing your comments, I feel better knowing I’m not the only one. 🙂

    • Jake
    • April 16, 2015

    I gradually became more and more reclusive after each consequetive relationship (business/social/romantic) felt like they were just using me and I was getting nothing back from it but rather losing from it.

    i became reclusive in the end because I just saw it that most people are vultures/parasites and only pretend to be building/investing in a relationship with you until they get the big opportunity to rob you or to ditch you so that you finally see the true colour of the relationship they were having with you.

    for example an ex girlfriend, finally I realised that i was just a pass-time guy for her while she was actually fishing for better catch.

    I do get lonely about not having a wife in my life and would love be reclusive with one, but I cant be bothered risking all the investment on finding another one, and all the emotional suffering from all the above.

    • em
    • April 22, 2015

    this is an older site but i am writing a quick note to say thank you to all of you who also have chosen the more ‘real’ lifestyle. So many of the comments echo what has been in my mind and heart for the last 40 years(i am in my 60’s)—-and while I have always felt like the odd fish swimming in the opposite direction of the school of fish —-I just realized that there is a whole community of reclusive people who value solitude and honest interaction over social niceties—we just don’t KNOW who we are because of WHO WE ARE!!! if that makes any sense—

    • Ella
    • April 25, 2015

    I found this site by accident when doing research on being reclusive. I am fascinated by the many artists both dead and alive that are reclusive. I came to a reclusive lifestyle gradually so will share my path in case it helps anyone. I was by nature always a very shy child and then through socialization in school I did quite well in becoming an outgoing person in high school, college, and beyond. Keeping up with it though over time I found to be exhausting – all of the many people that I felt were fake or not of good character that I cared to invest my time in. Then one day on a trip with my then long time boyfriend I broke away for one day to spend hiking in the forest alone. I packed my lunch, brought books and a journal and found the most beautiful place to spend the day in. It occurred to me while after the day, I could not believe how much I enjoyed being alone and it began to become an increasing craving over time. I wound up parting from my long term love I believe because of the incredible desire to be on my own. Thru working years, I was out and about by choice to work with many people with lots of energy that was a draw but again, I would go home exhausted and crave alone time that there seemed to never be enough of. This then impacted my decision not to marry or have children and I have no regrets about this. I do enjoy engaging with people but only when my need for alone time has been met. I have been so lucky to have found a job that allows me to work from home with little travel. I do engage with people a lot by phone during the day and I do enjoy that but it leaves me with more time for creativity which is what I ultimately needed. There is a quote by Elizabeth Barrett Browning I love – “the soul chooses it’s own society and then closes the door” and this is what I have done. I moved to the woods on an island and I am in complete heaven. I feel no guilt as I am happier, more authentic and am able to give freely and genuinely of myself to those I do engage with without worry of what they are thinking about me and so forth. I enjoy the friends I have and the people I meet and only invite those into my life that I feel are worthy. Knowing myself has been a tremendous give and helping me to go with the tide instead os against it. So for those of you who are wondering if something is wrong w/you – other than a trauma or something you are trying to heal – remember the myers briggs tests you can do online that assess your social style. There are many people lout there who are simply introverts and prefer a different style of interacting, living, working, communicating that the other three groups. There are many other similar brain and style assessments that show there is real science behind this. Look up many of the literary greats that lived lives of great recession – I wish I could remember some examples but too late at night :). There are many famous writers that live in reclusion among us every day that the small towns and locals often protect as they understand that all of that brilliance and creativity often comes from living a quiet life that is contemplative, observant, and uninfluenced by the trivial matters of the social masses. I hope this helps – if you enjoy being alone, then enjoy it…don’t apologize and I imagine there are so many people out there who crave solitude and are either unable because of the commitments they have or may not have the courage to make changes in their life to get more of it due to the social stigma of being selfish or odd. – I say, stay way from people that don’t get it or respect it. For your work reputation, many in the cog also don’t understand or are may be secretly envious that you have time to spend alone when they don’t and they would never ever admit that. In those cases, it’s best just to smiley set boundaries and say you have commitments and you don’t need to disclose what they are.

    Anyway – hope someone reads and gets something out of this.

    Ella

    • RJ
    • May 13, 2015

    I have a question has anyone out there found themselves having anxiety attacks over leaving the place you live that is more about control? That you have had issues in life where all control over what was happening to you was taken away and now you find yourself with issues that involve ‘I can or do have control over this’. When really in the end you lose control over the very things you sought to or thought you could control. I hope that makes enough sense to be understood at least a little bit. I have flirted with bulimia, semi hording, obsessive-compulsive and now for the second time in my life I am finding it more and more difficult to force myself to leave where I live for any extended lengths of time. I have always been an outgoing person that it has been joked about that I have never met a strangers. My Mother always joked she could drive me to the middle of absolute no where with no one for miles and leave me for ten days or ten minutes and come back and I would be talking to someone. So social anxiety disorder is not a problem I have just forcing myself to leave at all seems to overwhelm me these days. Can anyone relate or have any insight?

    • Margaret
    • May 16, 2015

    Just like Ella above, I found your website when I googled, “why do people become reclusive?” So, since I googled it, then I must have a bit of insecurity about being reclusive. Here’s the deal: I was extremely outgoing when I was younger. I started a nonprofit on my own which meant A LOT of networking. Then, I ran another nonprofit, quite successfully, then taught for years. All this time, I sat on boards, supported my husband socially in two parallel careers, and raised two successful, secure, happy daughters. On top of that, I was always the mom that signed up for and ran many functions. Now in my 60’s and with wonderful grandchildren, I am very reclusive. I love spending time with my family and my husband and I take care of then often. We are also active in our church. But the rest of the time, I just love being home. My husband, who is still really extroverted, is understanding most of the time, and goes to many functions now without me. I have wondered why I’m so reclusive now, but my only answer that makes any sense at all is that I crammed so much into my life in the first 55 years, that now I’m done. I was/am a good wife, good mother, daughter, sister, worker, and citizen. Now, I just want to enjoy my garden, my beautiful home, and my family. Is that unhealthy? I’m not hurting anyone and I’m not depressed. I’m just reclusive. I’m very happy to see, according to this site, that there are others that share some of my feelings. Maybe many people would like to do this and fir one reason or another, can’t. To those that have real debilitating social anxiety, I empathize. Maybe as I get older, I’ll be that way. Right now, I’m just trying to understand the new me and to feel ok with it. Here’s to peace and quiet.

    • Ricky B
    • June 1, 2015

    Dan, you are spot on! Society frowns on anyone with individuality. they seem to sense it just looking at you. even if you look ‘normal’ like everyone else. even if you WANTED to speak to them for a short conversation. you find they seem as uncomfortable as you are. I have been told by many people . Ricky you are nice, but strange, or you’re just ‘different’ I can’t explain how. but you are. this can also cause us to be disliked for no real good reason. which in a way works for me. since I can’t connect with people for long anyway. to Diane. I too socialized and Traveled through my entire 30’s (my mid teens through mid-20’s were spent in isolation due to agoraphobia) by 25 I was just coming out into the world trying to find my footage. my place in life. I made friends, had relationships (all of which proved to make me wonder why I bothered) then in my 30’s after a series of family tragedies I started to travel here and there. hang out more. meet even more people. though I never felt ‘in place’ always on the outside. never quite understood people and how they could throw away your friendship so easily. by age 39 the travels stopped. I was depressed by my failed relationships/friendships and basically isolated myself again trying to figure out what went wrong. I realized I am different. a highly sensitive person who simply does not gel with the phoniness, shallowness and manipulative ways of the world. I began loving my solitude even more. creating my own life, alone.watching old movies, reading and little hobbies. collecting art work going for solitary walks and just enjoying the quiet.and yes, what’s fun about cigarette smoking, beer swilling, spitting men and women covered in tatts! ugh. and to Jake. I have been in your place three times! always just the pass-the-time-guy while they waited for more, maybe outgoing? maybe more worldly guys to come along. I no longer bother.
    Ella I envy your wooded-island sanctuary! being alone I too feel more Authentic. I find the most interesting people are the ‘hermits’ recluses’ and introverted writers and people in general. imagine the stories we have to tell 😉 I just turned 50 and I would not go back if I could. in fact I now wonder what was real?! I did love the trips. but most of the people were a waste of my concern, love and friendship.

    • RR
    • June 21, 2015

    I too have been trying to understand why I crave solitude and a slower more soul satisfying way of life. I was starting to wonder if there was something wrong with me, but what a treat to find this blog and so many people who feel the same way I do. I’ve know for years that I’m a highly sensitive person, but as I’ve aged it has been harder to manage living in this noisy and hectic world. I had a great banking career, but after 20 years I couldn’t cope any longer with the chaos and stress. Too many phones, computers, lights, and people. I’ve been on a 20 year pilgrimage to find my happy place and I finally understand that being alone and being lonely are two different things. I like being alone and the only time I’ve been lonely is when I was in a relationship that went against the grain of my true nature. Many relationships and friendships that didn’t gel have come and gone over the years and the few contacts I’ve retained scratch their heads with wonder at why I’m so reclusive now when I used to be more outgoing. I truly like who I am now better than that woman who ran through life like it was a race course. I’ve found that animals give me the perfect balance of love and attention without the drama and a daily dose of nature fills my soul. Another thing that has helped immensely is letting go of material things and keeping life simple. After reading all the stories here it seems the desire for solitude develops over time and can cause confusion and unease. I hope for all who struggle to understand what is happening that you find a way to make peace with the natural flow. I think I finally have thanks to this heartfelt exchange.

    • Sue
    • July 5, 2015

    Lovely to find this blog and these responses. Like many of you I was social for years out of necessity it seems with family, jobs etc. However, I do have post traumatic stress syndrome which often intervenes to affect my interactions with people today. I used to have a lot of patience for people but not today. I find that I cannot tolerate superficiality and often am distrustful. Because of my abused history, much of whom I was and could have been is gone or has been altered – for good. I have felt that I did not fit in, even in my family of origin. Today I wont’t let people get close to me – I don’t feel safe and cannot afford more pain and suffering – which overtime has involved every part of my life. I wonder often why this has happened to me. I am intelligent, educated, well off and for the most part a nice person. I have found that those who want to get close to me do so for some advantage and not just because they like me.

    I am a writer. Many hours are spent inside my own mind – and I like it there. I can and do “create”, this includes painting, decorating, gardening etc. This is how I enjoy time – time has become increasingly important since aging and this is part of what makes me reclusive. I won’ t waste more time on useless conversations, people I don’t want to listen to snd things I don’t want to do.. I can’t afford the time it takes to let me trust – since too many times I learned that I could not the hard way.

    The fact is, I am happier with this kind of life than any other. I am not lonly but content. While some may think me odd, I simply don’t care what they think. All the best to all of you.

    • Rose
    • July 6, 2015

    On track with a competetive world. Any sane person would cry “uncle”. make it stop. Logically I question the balance between work and leisure, learning and resting. My values have changed. What would I need or want if no one was judging. I cherish my alone time. I on occasion get lonely, but I find thise times a holy silence for seek a quiet peace with God. I find being alone in my thoughts and with nayure and my creativity a luxury that I want more of.

    • Gina
    • July 13, 2015

    I was just curious to know if others in the world feel as strongly as I do about appreciating “alone” time so I googled it and came across this site.
    I totally agree with “I, like many, really don’t like people as a whole. I find little value in trite everyday conversation.” –
    I HATE small talk! and I abhor my boundaries crossed. I find that people for the most part are inconsiderate, self-absorbed and just plain boring to be with. It’s not that I feel superior, just that I prefer not to be around people who cross my boundaries, take me for granted and try to impose upon me. I am on guard for manipulation and controlling and will literally run from it.
    I have been a dog lover since I was very young and I prefer my dog’s company to that of people. I don’t care whether others understand that I’d rather be alone with my dog who loves me unconditionally. I am not angry, just prefer my dog’s presence as we go for a walk, while I read a book, or just sit admiring God’s beautiful creation quietly. I cherish my “alone time” and look forward to it.
    I cannot tolerate superficiality and people trying to impress someone. Because of the physical, emotional and verbal abuse from my parents and having to become strong in spite of my early years, I choose not to let people get close to me. I don’t trust easily. I am a very strong woman who doesn’t live to impress anyone and I am not insecure. In fact, I avoid people who show deep insecurities as I don’t like the “neediness”. Being with other people for a length of time is exhausting. When I am alone with my dog and God, I am most content. The older I get the more “recluse” I become…. my husband no longer pressures me to join family get-togethers or functions that I dread attending. I do bend and go with him but we limit the time now. He has learned that if he tries to manipulate or control me that I will push back. So… don’t feel guilty for your choices, folks. We are built differently. Just accept it and enjoy life as you choose to.

    • Allen Russell
    • July 17, 2015

    I have just stumbled across this site and I’m so relieved that there’s nothing wrong with the way I am. People think I’m a bit mad or moody, but that’s just being judgemental without getting to know the real me.

    I’ve noticed that as I’m getting older (I’m 35 now), I just want to shut myself off completely from the outside world and everyone in it.

    However, it is difficult. I work full time, have a beautiful 5 year old Daughter and Wife, both of whom I love more than words can express. My Wife just doesn’t and can’t understand even though I explain. She gets really angry with me if I say I don’t want to go to a social or family gathering, and holds it against me for weeks, sometimes months. I’m just not interested anymore. I try my best to steer clear. But then I’m always the bad person in her eyes for it.

    I don’t particularly like being around people. Only certain people whom I’m comfortable around. People now are too self obsessed, talk too much, talk endlessly about Football, and have nothing of value to say. It’s all rhetoric.

    There’s not enough love, care, tolerance, compassion, dignity or respect for others in this world. It’s all about greed, money, what you’ve got what others haven’t, being better than others. Same with the treatment of animals. It all makes me feel sick and angry.

    So called friends over the years only used to get me to go out because either they had no one else to go out with, or they wanted me to be the comedian, or both. It wasn’t for genuine friendship. Needless to say, I’ve ditched these hangers on.

    Every so often, I will drive down to North Wales and sit on one of my favourite beaches, enjoying being alone. Enjoy Solitude. It’s weird- I feel at one and at peace when I’m at the Sea. It’s like that’s where I belong. Recently I’m finding I’m craving this more and more.

    My dream would be to own a camper van and drive to a random beach somewhere and park up, make a cup of tea, make a sandwich, and watch the sun set. Just my own company, my guitar and ipod full of my favourite music. No one to mither or bother me.

    I have suffered with depression and anxiety for years, due to personal issues, and in part,a father whom I care for and love dearly, was very strict with me- he always brought the R.A.F home with him. My parents divorced when I was 3, and my dad won custody of me. He wrapped me up in cotton wool so to speak, and kept turning my school friends away from the door when they used to call for me. They stopped calling eventually. Probably why I am very unsociable at times.

    My Dad I think wanted me to be the perfect model child that went into the armed forces just like my older Brothers did, but it didn’t work. I rebelled instead. I think secretly that he isn’t proud of me, contrary to what he says. Is this bad?

    I feel that everybody wants a piece of me and I just want to escape everything, and live a quiet, secluded life. I crave solitude more and more.

    Sorry if I waffled on. Once the floodgates opened in my thoughts, it’s hard to stop.

    Peace and love to all of you readers.

    • Bonnie Fahringer
    • August 4, 2015

    I was wondering if I was a lone in this world of wanting to alone rather than socializing. Then I found this site. Iam retired, after 46 years if being a nurse, a mother if 4 adult children, who are usyally at each other’s throats fir whatever reasons and nothing I want to be part of. I hate to admit to being married 4 times, twice to the same man, iam definately not a brain surgeon, then my last husbsnd past away. Now I do travel a lot enjoy going to see friends out of town, going on excursions seferal timesva year. Wgen I get home I just want to stay home and be alone. I thought there was sonething wrong with me then I found this site. You all made me very happy to read your stories. I am not weird I just life being in my house by myself doing what I want if and when I want. The news media is out if control, everyone seems to hate each other, the world seems a mess. I live my controlled environment. Iam alone but iam never lonely

    • Caleb
    • August 5, 2015

    I honestly believe from the early ages of childhood that I was different from the rest. I can remember as far back as age 3 that I knew being around others and being taken places against my own will brought extreme discomfort. I remember all the times family events, birthdays and even school( never finshed thank the gods for the alt. GED) was very hard for me to communicate and bring myself to enjoy the things everybody else did. I believe that I was born reclusive ive always been this way and it’s the only lifestyle I know that makes me feel alive and real. Finding out who you truly are I believe happens when your alone only then you can achieve inner peace with yourself not having the influence of others. I’ve enjoyed those times with others who I can be myself around and seen many things that most do not. I believe now I can continue on with my life being the recluse that I am with no regrets!

    • Raphael
    • August 11, 2015

    Its so good to have found such an amazing website. I have been living with people but I know I am all alone and I am really enjoying it. Some people find problem with my way of life because I have adopted and enjoy the solitude. Not only thatI think they are jealous of my being able to admit that I enjoy being reclusive and the freedom I have which brings my level of creativity to the pinnacle of life. Many of the people who have gotten the greats names were highly I introverted people who brought great stuff. MichEl Jackson lived recluse life and became the King of Pop. Its not that bad because we are filled with lots of talents and people just envy those who have identified themselves and have specific purposes to structure their life after. Recluse life forever, just enjoy it.

    • Shirley Acuff
    • August 11, 2015

    It’s wonderful to read the experiences and feelings of others as I understand the need to withdraw.

    My personal situation is probably part birth and part environment. My mother was very rejecting which may have set up the process, but who knows. I used to spend time and had some counseling in an effort to figure it out but decided it really makes no difference to me now how it happened; this is just who I am.

    Although I have lived a fairly normal life in the past, at least from the outside looking in, I have never felt comfortable in the presence of others. I may not usually feel anxiety, but I do feel guarded, untrusting and definitely not open.

    Despite this, I have owned and operated three successful small businesses. When I am in my work role, particularly, as I discovered, when working for myself, I can relate fairly well. Actually, I like being in the role of serving.

    I owned a health food business and loved helping the customers explore alternate solutions to their health issues. I founded and ran a social service agency for many years and connected well with my clients. My last business was a construction business and was the least satisfying, but, still, I brought my desire to serve to that business and it too was successful.

    For years I told my husband the day was coming when I would have to withdraw. I could feel myself becoming less patient and angrier in my dealings with people. He seems to be understanding.

    We are now retired. I have grown children but no grandchildren of my own. My husband has grandchildren. I love his grandchildren but they live far away. I have no problem helping them financially, which generosity pleases my husband and I feel good about it as well. But even seeing the kids is getting harder for me. This summer he will visit for two weeks without me.

    I love to work in my garden in the mornings or clean my house, shower, take a nap and run errands in the afternoon. Occasionally, we see a movie or a show. I have stopped inviting people over for dinner or accepting invitations. I do not enjoy it in the least. My husband has a network of people he sees, and I it seems to suffice for him.

    Even though my husband never complains about my reclusiveness, I am looking forward to the trip he will be taking. The thought of being completely alone for two weeks is luxurious.

    My favorite vacation ever was a week I spent alone in Hawaii. I rented a condo on the beach. I slept each night on the patio bathed in fresh air and ocean sounds. In the daytime I walked the beaches, hiked in the hills and strolled through shops. At night I read and watched the ocean until it was dark. I barely spoke to anyone. It was jarring to arrive at the airport, crowded with people, some of whom insisted on starting conversations. Finally, I stuck my head in a book and was left alone.

    I am at the point where I do not feel guilty about my chosen lifestyle. For years I forced myself into social situations thinking it was expected and I did not enjoy them in the least. I miss no part of it. When I sold my business, one of the employees said I would miss visiting with them. Have not missed it one time.

    Actually, despite the need for solitude, I have a generalized love for mankind and for individuals I know and care about. I pray each morning for people, animals and the earth. I have very little ill will, some to be honest, but I believe most people struggle with forgiveness and I am no exception. I have done my share, I believe, I have done some good things; I’ve done some not-so-good things, and its’ time to rest, meditate and be true to myself.

    I hope my experience gives some perspective to another who might struggle with this issue, just as reading the experiences of others has been helpful to me.

    • Alan
    • August 13, 2015

    Worked in State Government for 40 years as a printer, starting at age 19. Been a baseball/softball umpire for 27 years. Lucky enough at age 59 to retire after putting my nose to the grindstone. Brought and own my own house.

    I’ve known pressure.

    Now past the 5 day conga and no more championship games. Once a week I just do co-rec low division softball (and have fun doing it). Recliner, books, backyard and occasional barbecue. Walk and play with my bulldog.

    No cell phone, cable or satellite television. Limited internet (none of that skype or twit or face for me), lots of books (didn’t I just say that?), more music listening than anything. Shop early, never stay out late.

    I’ve had enough of humanity and conflict in my time…..

    Life is good!

    • Dave
    • August 24, 2015

    I am reclusive. Goes back to my childhood when I had no support from parents and learned to be independent. Strove to get well qualified and a very stressful position in teaching which ended with acute anxiety, depression and early retirement. A lot of this was caused by internal politics and people who were two faced. I subsequently retreated with a distrust of people and now I keep myself to myself. That way I avoid the banal small talk, can do my exercise and immerse myself in local history. I have no close friends (and don’t want any) but have the support of my immediate family.

    • GW
    • September 13, 2015

    I am 25yo living in London away from my close knit family.i have had a perfect upbringing with plenty of love and success throughout school/uni which has led to a great job in the city. I have always been sensitive to other people’s opinions and suffered from being short tempered and never understod how to make small talk. I recently admitted that I have been down for a while and it is probably time to try anti depressants. They have helped keep my emotions in check however it hasn’t helped me become more social even though I feel like I want to be. I struggle to think of questions to ask people to carry on a conversation and I am more than happy to sit in silence with someone for an evening. I crave social interaction but I would rather be in the background rather than having to contribute or have any attention directly on me. Sadly I can’t afford to live on my own and my flatmate doesn’t understand why I like to close my bedroom door by 9pm every night… I just want my own thoughts and space! I don’t know how to explain this to her without sounding weird and insulting her as a friend. I often wonder whether I should jack in my job, give up on the big city life, and move back to the country to be able to afford my own place (and get a cat! Ha). I feel like I would much prefer a cat than a flatmate.however if I choose this route then I will not have a career which I have worked so hard for. Will I be able to find a partner to can accept me and help bring me out of my shell? I hate dating…can’t think of anything worse! Do I give up on the idea of finding someone like that in order to carry on the journey to reclusiveness?

    • JD
    • September 17, 2015

    It’s not often I talk to anyone. My average amount of conversation with other people in an average week are the “Hello” greetings walking past coworkers, and other than that maybe one or 2 texts a week with “friends”. I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation with anyone. I am 29 and a single mom… so I do have a son I talk to but that’s a bit different. Years ago, I used to hate being so isolated. I felt lonely and frustrated. Friends were hard to maintain; I often put in more effort and couldn’t sustain good friendships. Relationships eventually take a toll on you when one after another don’t work out. It sometimes feels you truly have nothing left to give to someone else. So… you kind of stop trying. I’ve become completely unreachable now. Most of the time I don’t care. And no, I am not depressed. I love my solitude now. I can be extremely selfish and do whatever I want. Conversations are too much work. I don’t exactly hate people, but being alone is always more fun. Every once in a while though, I do feel…. well maybe unsure if this is really fulfilling after all. And not’s that I feel sad, but sometimes a little melancholy that the part of me that used to still try died. But, having lost any normal desire or skills to assimilate with people I guess this is how it will be.

    • Ricky B
    • September 24, 2015

    JD I have never been married or had children. but I relate to you saying ‘friends are hard to maintain’ seems I always put forth the effort in the past. people I have known since I was 17. and I am 50 now. would stay in touch with me giving me a false feeling of friendship. when they didn’t contact me I would wonder what I did wrong or didn’t do right. then they would contact me again and I made every effort to be the best friend I could. then bam! they would vanish again. I realized these people were ‘friends’ at their convenience and my feelings really did not matter at all. I found some on Facebook and it was no different. they simply did not care. I since deleted my account and won’t go back. I no longer put forth much effort if any to be friends with anyone. I still have empathy for humanity in general. but dislike human nature as a whole. but the Overly-caring for interacting or human friendship part of me has quietly passed away. since about age 39 I LOVE my solitude more than ever. and even a knock at the door brings dread. I can stay home and alone for weeks if possible. alone! I am rarely lonely. in fact being around people causes me to feel out of place and alone. I have lost my desire for company or to be coupled with anyone.I would love a quiet cabin away from neighbors even. as a child I was a loner as well. but even when I tried to be a part of it. it failed. so I wonder if this is just how some of are meant to be? I know at 5 I was content to play alone, the between years I craved SOMETHING. now at 50 I would not have it any other way. once your 30’s come and go and you head into your 40’s and on. you simply either accept it or do not care.

    • Sandy U.
    • October 2, 2015

    This blog makes me feel that I am amongst my own. I have never written on a blog before, so that attests to how much I feel at home here. I love being alone and am filled with dread if I have somewhere I have to go that day, like to the doctor or to the dentist. I loathe meaningless small talk but prefer it to being with someone who tells long stories that go on and on and which I could have told in a fraction of the time–too many useless details. Yes, I am blunt, impatient and opinionated and often put people off. And when I do, I dwell on my social ineptness for days. This makes the act of socializing, which I already hate, even more intolerable. Definitely not worth it.

    I resent the fact that as a woman, people expect me to be the social conduit for my couplehood. I have a great husband who understands me and is not too resentful when I refuse to participate in society’s expectations. But here’s the rub.., if my family comes over, of course, I am the entertainer. He can go off and watch TV or not say a word, while I feel like I’m just running off at the mouth. OK, well, it’s MY family. But when his family members are here, it’s the same story. I’m the entertainer. His sisters may want to stay up and chat til the wee hours of the night, but he can simply go to bed and I’m stuck with them. And both sisters are hyperactive, constantly interrupt, and talk over everybody else. Drives me insane, and is exhausting!

    I am gradually getting to a point of dropping off the map completely. I stay up all night working on my art, then sleep half the day. I don’t care what anyone thinks about it. I don’t participate in family functions unless I want to, which is almost never. I do feel guilty for my husband, but I am all in all pretty lucky and content this way.

    Home is the best place in the world, preferably without other people in it. My advice to all is be who you are–it’s a brave and worthy act and well worth it in the end.

    • Julian
    • October 11, 2015

    I have always enjoyed my own company and with that gives me time to do what I enjoy with writing, reading and listening to music. I enjoy watching TV, gardening work and going out to do shopping or going to a pub for a drink. I like the solitude as I hate being among crowds and I don’t like noise as I enjoy a quiet life.

    I lived for 28 years with a Grandmother who was the most important person in my life and for the last 3 years of her life she lived with terminal cancer. Losing someone that close knocked me down in life and I had to get through the day battling with depression because of it. I coped because I knew I had to and it was done with no support from anyone even family.

    Family are not necessarily friends in life. They can be inconsiderate, selfish and they can be very pushy people. I don’t fit in with people like that as I prefer to be on my own that be in their company any more than I have to. They have different interests to me and have nothing much in common with me, so its like being a part of a jigsaw that just doesn’t fit, so I am more happier in my own solitude.

    The world is fast changing with technology and I don’t care about the latest cell phone. I use my kindle, I use a cell phone and I have a laptop, so I am a modern person without the latest this or that being inflicted upon me.

    I don’t like social sites much … People on there doing statues about all aspects of their life that I wouldn’t make public to an audience of people I’m never going to meet. I prefer my own privacy in life so I don’t interact much on a social site as my way of living is a happy life and its much different to those who want to be on a social site wanting attention or those who are just interested in boozing, sex, gossiping and growing some ego for themselves on a social site.

    There are times I get lonely as everyone has feelings of loneliness but the solitude is not lonely as others see it that way because their lifestyle is different and with the solitude in my life there is a lot of happiness found in it, so its a happy sort of life.

    • Alisa
    • October 12, 2015

    I discovered my reclusive nature in middle school, which was a horrible time to do so since classmates as a whole expect you to participate in socializing whether you wanted to or not. It became too overwhelming and eventually I went mute as a result. I didn’t see the point in talking if school and my homelife didn’t allow me to be myself, so I shut communication down entirely. My parents thought it was a phase, but soon realised that wasn’t the case at all, I was genuinely miserable and they got very concerned. After some coaxing I finally revealed that I needed time to recharge, I want to be alone to read, to study, and generally just enjoy my own company. I didn’t think this was a lot to ask for, but they thought it was very bizarre. However they were willing to try it before recommending me to a therapist. So instead of going to recess I was allowed to stay in the library, at home I was given space to pursue a hobby and enjoy some peace and quiet.

    By high school and later college I found a few hidden talents and passions, one especially in rockhounding, that became a small business online. I was never popular socially, I made only a few close friends but that was enough for me. I never dated either, but that was more to do with the fact I was Asexual. I never attended dances, prom or even the graduation ceremony, but I didn’t feel like I missed out at all. Instead I took a trip to a gem and mineral dig in Nevada for three days and had a great time.

    As I hit 33 this year, I’ve found that my solitude brings out the very best in me, I’ve been able to help my family and friends more and I get enough socialization online or brief outings in town. People think I’m weird for not going to clubs or partying but it’s just not for me. The same with sex, I’m still a virgin, I never had a desire for human intimacy. I take the greatest joy in being out in nature, so much so I ended up living in the countryside. It forced me to be self-sufficient -no 24 hour Walmarts over here- it was hard to adjust to life without several conveniences, but now I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

    My current live-in companion is a completely black kitten I found as a stray with the opposite personality of me. He’s a loving, affectionate little thing and oddly enough loves the car and going on contract surveying trips with me.

    • Robin
    • November 26, 2015

    Hi, I’m similar to the general self descriptions and I would really love to find some work to do from home. Everything about it appeals to me. I wonder if anyone can give suggestions. It would be amazing if someone like us had a understanding business that could employ people that prefer our own company. Any ideas are appreciated. Hopefully ideas that can offer a reasonable income( I know it depends on skills). Personally I’m well spoken and intelligent- I know I can do sales related work( but where to find that job??). I like being alone but also love my time with good friends and family. If my work was mainly by myself I think I’d enjoy my social time a lot more, the energy it takes to interact with work related people would be saved for the more important relationships. Phone and internet work interactions are easier than maintaining the daily colleague chit chat that’s redundant and meaningless( but expected). Brainstorming?-Thanks

    • Jeff
    • November 27, 2015

    Hi Robin,
    Back in 1994, I owned a store and had reached my limit in mingling with the public, so I sold it and open a business on that new fangled thing called the World Wide Web. I’ve been earning a living digitally ever since. There are so many ways to earn a living online. Here are just a few: freelance writing, affiliate marketing, Kindle writing, ecommerce (Amazon or Shopify), tee shirt creation, Web Site design services, video marketing services, consulting…. I’d be happy to answer any questions you have about how to get started and where to get the information you need t proceed.
    Jeff

    • Robin
    • November 28, 2015

    Thanks jeff, that’s what I’ve been looking for. I’ve thought about using the internet but I’m settled in the country/mountains and can’t get anything but satalite internet which is unreliable and expensive. I just have data on my phone. But it could work if I just used it for business. I would be interested in learning more about the possibilities though. I don’t know how your listed examples actually work. E commerce interests me and I’ve done well at selling a few things on ebay but wonder about how to do it at a larger scale- to find the items to resell etc? If you would want to share a bit more about your experience I’d appriciate that. How do we share emails? Thanks jeff
    If anyone else has ideas I’m sure a lot of us could benefit from some guidance.
    Cheers-Robin

    • Jeff
    • November 28, 2015

    In the twenty one years that I’ve been earning a living online, I’ve resisted becoming a “Guru” because I regard people who promote other people’s garbage, merely for profit as parasites. I have earned a great deal of money at affiliate marketing, but not on courses and “secret” information that takes advantage of the hopes and dreams of desperate people.

    I am not currently involved in ecommerce (ebay, amazon, shopify) and much has changed since my earlier involvement. Instead, for the past decade or more I have earned my living as a marketing consultant and SEO specialist for local and national companies, however I fear, for a number of reasons those days are coming to an end and I am looking for alternatives. Ecommerce seems to be the most lucrative, but the learning curve is steep and the investment substantial, plus at sixty five, I’d like something less mundane and time consuming than hawking trinkets again. I am currently seeking a solution.

    Robin, in your case the issue is compounded by your lack of Internet access. My suggestion is to find access at a friend’s or library and search Youtube for instructions. I would like to help and will do so in the future. I had considered creating a forum for this Site, or perhaps a FaceBook group where we can all help each other, but it is all alot of work and I do not know the interest level. If enough people request it though I will do it.

    • Robin
    • December 4, 2015

    Hi, I just asked because of the offer. I can get satalight internet if I get onto something that has possibilities. I’ve researched each of your recommendations a bit now. I wonder what the best way to go would be. Having someone who has been there answer the 1st few basic questions would really make the process easier( it’s overwhelming). So you’d need more info from me as to what I think I could do and then quick advice?- no worries if not but I was pretty excited about the initial response. Thanks
    Cheers

    • willow
    • December 4, 2015

    I am a recluse and I do not have a “disorder”. I dont like getting involved with people and thats ok because it’s my choice. I did my partying when i was a teenager and now at 48 years old, I have had enough of people anyway. Throughout my life I have been let down by so many that I had trusted so now i choose to be alone and I LOVE it.. Fake people make me puke. I know people who have huge social circles and heaps of “friends” but their lives are so superficial. So busy trying to have the best of everything and compete with their friends over who has the latest car or the bigger house or whose child won more awards at school, that they dont even know who they really are anymore. I am friendly, I say hello, but thats where it ends for me. I politely decline social gatherings because I just cant stand all the BS that goes on.

    I have my 2 dogs and 2 adult kids, a few family members and old friends that i keep in touch with and chat to online, and thats enough for me. You only have to read the news to see how human beings treat each other. Racists,bigots, child abusers, violence,wars, murders, the list go’s on. I know there are good people out there too but as a whole, the world is not run by good people.

    Im happy in my own skin, my solitude, my choices. I go to the movies with one of my kids or I go alone. Ive actually had someone say to me “You go to the movies alone?! Oh I could never do that”. So maybe it’s the people who cant survive without someone holding their hand, who really have a “disorder”. A lack of ability to enjoy life without the need for someone else to hold them up. No independence.

    I get called unsociable quite often but that does not bother me one bit. Why? Because I’m living my life the way I want to and not how society may dictate.

    Its all good. I am just being me.

    • Jenny
    • December 16, 2015

    I felt such relief when I happened upon this blog – I was really beginning to think there was something wrong with me. For years I would daydream about living in a log cabin in Montana on a few hundred acres and only go to town once a month for provisions. I lived a life far from that dream. I grew up in a wonderful family – both parents and a few brothers and a sister. All very close and we spent time camping, fishing, in the woods hunting, etc. That’s where I feel most at home. However, my job and circumstances kept me on a social roller coaster for most of my life. Now that I look back on it, the alcohol and weed were probably a defense mechanism. I had a few failed marriages and no kids. When my last husband left me for another woman – I spent 4 years in as much solitude as I could get away with and still hold down a job. It was the best years of my life. I had never felt such peace and inner calm. I spent time with God and my dog. I guess I could say I hopped off the hamster wheel. I realized what was important. My friends wanted to introduce me to his Cousin who had also been alone for most of 9 years. He lived on 81 acres in the mountains and had also dreamed of building a log cabin. We are perfect for each other. He is calm, quiet, peaceful, easy going..We have now been married for 8 months and I thank God for him everyday. My friends and family think I have become reclusive because of him but they are wrong. It’s who I’ve been all along – it just took 55 years to figure it out.

    • Neera
    • December 31, 2015

    I came across this site quite by accident but am so happy to have stumbled upon i. people around me, esp my ex husband always made me feel like a weirdo since I am no arty animal but would prefer time alone to being in a crowd. I think I have been a loner in my head since childhood. I always preferred to sit and read or reflect by myself instead of acting childish with friends. It’s not that I don’t have friends… I do… but i do not see the need to have crowds of friends. My 3 or 4 best friends are enough for my lifetime. I am much of a dreamer and my idea of socialising is more about relating to one person deeply at a time than being in a crowd. My childhood has been a happy one surrounded by siblings and outings at the seaside and in the woods but deep inside I always craved solitude. More and more nowadays, I feel that being in the company of people saps my energy and tires me up. I love contact with the soil and with nature though. Even before my divorce, I felt that my husband was an invasion in my life and at a certain moment I shamefully wished he would go away and leave me alone.The failed marriage was an eye opener over my true nature.I rediscovered myself after it happened. Now I live on my own with my daughter living alternately with me and her dad. The days she’s here I really relish her company but when she is gone I can allow myself to be me totally. Alone I find peace away from a judgmental world and away from the rush of a consumer world. I am a teacher by profession and my interaction with kids is more than enough to fill my social needs. My ideal life would be to be self employed and to have some job related to agriculture or nature. people seem to pity me that I am lonely but they will never be able to understand the joy I get from being my own master. I am happy alone and they ought to be happy for me instead.

    • Jason
    • January 10, 2016

    being a nypd police officer for 12 years I had no choice but to be exposed to copus amounts of people and social situations.
    On my days off I would just want to stay home in seclusion and unwind from the stress of over social stimulation .
    Now that I’m retired I am very reclusive and spend most my time in my house on the iPad living in the digital world of eBay ,thee rant , and pof.
    I have lots of hobbies and collect collectibles and listen to talk radio.
    My pets are here with me and I’m with them.
    Sometimes I dred going food shopping but I like to eat healthy and refuse to waste money ordering junk food.

    The only places I go are Petco, food shopping or the gym.
    That’s the extent of my exposure to outside during the winter.

    During the summer I do the same things as the winter but also go to my boat and spend hours at the dock relaxing and tinkering around with my boat and enjoy the beatiful nature and breathtaking sunsets .
    I have no friends because I find them to be turncoats in the end.
    Wish I had a girlfriend because I do get lonely and would like to travel with someone.
    But girlfriends are too demanding usually wanting to go to weddings and other social events that I’m just not interested in.
    Oh well maybe one day I will meet a girl that is like myself and we can be happy doing or not doing the things we like.

    • Josh
    • January 24, 2016

    It’s comforting knowing there are people like me, yet somehow I do not know how to cope with the delusional society modern times have brought. I like many had a very social young life. Up until I turned 21 joining the Army infantry I slowly became reclusive not wanting to talk due to judgemental arrogance of others. I have found some comfort in actually doing things for myself instead of worrying I may offend someone who interpret’s my feelings the wrong way. It seems I do not want to speak with anyone anymore, modern society has become increasingly ugly and infested with gossip. Egotistical nonsense has burdened the optimism of great people. I hope one day people like you and me find closure to the twisted world we have created, may your dreams be many and your hearts heavy.

    • Ricky B
    • January 24, 2016

    @ Neera. I Totally agree with you. a person in my life would be an invasion to me. I would resent them. relationships would be a waste since if I actually allowed myself to know them or them me. I would wish they would stay away or go away! I have not been in one for almost 13 years. most seem very toxic anyway. people just accept that and stay together or go from one to another. that is more a waste to me than being alone.
    my true loner nature has been in full swing for years now. no doubt people pity me. which is hilarious. because that takes me to Josh’s comments
    ” seems I do not want to speak with anyone anymore, modern society has become increasingly ugly and infested with gossip. Egotistical nonsense has burdened the optimism of great people” and like Jason I dread shopping. but hate junk food! I like healthy food and watch my weight. because I am reclusive doesn’t mean I let myself go to pot! I love collecting, especially items from the 1940’s and keep a tidy apartment.
    people saying, Ricky you need to be outgoing, are wasting their time.
    it would be nice if they respected my choice. and by the way I am not a Hoarder!

    • Georgia
    • February 8, 2016

    It’s been great to stumble across this blog. I am 24 years old and have been beating myself up about my desire for solitude. I had so many friends through school, but after arriving at university I really began to value alone time.

    My friends from home were nasty about my desire to move away, bitched about me, stopped inviting me to events and made my life a living hell. I realised then how shallow and parasitic ‘friendships’ can be, and how horrible people can be; I had trusted these girls…how could I trust someone again? At university I quickly began to hate the forced nature of the social scene. There were the comments if you didn’t feel like going out three times a week, the looks if you came home early. Everything was false, an act, a popularity contest. I abhorred the constant in-and-out of people into my halls room, people sitting on my bed and gossiping about people who were supposed to be their friends for hours at a time. Sometimes I felt like screaming- I just want to be on my own!! I didn’t- I moved home instead, and never regretted it for a second.

    Now I live with my boyfriend, and he understands my need to be alone and for P&Q. We have two dogs, and I can honestly say I would rather spend time with them, going for walks, sitting and enjoying nature. I’ve always felt so guilty about this, and have felt that there was something wrong with me. Why wasn’t I interested in going out? In socialising? Why did I keep dropping out of social occasions at the last minute? I find friendships with people that live locally too demanding and seem to disappoint people by not meeting up enough.

    I work from home, but teach at a university on a Tuesday- I find this day absolutely shattering, and by the end of the day I am sick of my own voice and desperate to get home to my yoga mat or sofa.

    I’ve always felt that this part of my personality was a ‘problem’, that required fixing. I’ve medicalised it, regarding it another component of my anxiety disorder. Reading this blog, I realise that there’s nothing wrong with a desire for solitude. Actually, isn’t it beautiful to feel content with your own company, to feel at peace with yourself?

    • Juls
    • February 8, 2016

    Well, I’m surprised to see so many relating to this. I was looking for suggestions on how to get my husband to be more social. All he wants to do is watch tv. I try to keep busy around the house but it’s becoming unbearable. I feel like a siamese twin whose twin has died, yet we are still connected. He is an empty shell. What do I do? How do I help him?

    • Clarissa
    • February 11, 2016

    “We are the subjects of an experiment which is not a little interesting to me. Can we not do without the society of our gossips a little while under these circumstances — have our own thoughts to cheer us?”

    “I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will”

    “I am no more lonely than the loon in the pond that laughs so loud, or than Walden Pond itself. What company has that lonely lake, I pray?”

    hey, at least Thoreau understood us reclusive seclusion loving peeps : )
    my family jokingly calls me “hermie” : )
    really enjoyed your stories.
    alone. never lonely. prefer solitude.
    never feel guilty for enjoying time with yourself.
    i think its a precious gift we all share & value.
    Peace & Quiet to all ; )

    • Neri
    • February 15, 2016

    Actually I struggle to see the limit between solitude by choice and isolation, but it doesn’t stop me anymore. There’s no point in forcing myself to be interested in people as a whole, had I keep on pretending, I’d zone out over and over again.

    I don’t see myself as a shy person (most of the initiative came from me in social settings, but again, I zone out a lot), I’m just bored. The idea of having to put a front to be “entertaining” makes me sick, yet when I tell this, it sounds like someone who thinks she’s better than everyone else.

    Now that I’ve chosen to keep to myself (and my family to a certain extent), I don’t feel unnecessarily stressed anymore. Now I’m planning to have an independent job.

    • Zinda
    • February 21, 2016

    I also stumbled upon this blog by searching if there is something wrong with me because I prefer to be alone all the time. I am 55 and female and live alone with my 22 lb cat. I cant stand to go out, be social or fake being interested in what others are talking about. I dont care. I was always very socialble and thought the world would end if I missed a weekend night out as a teen and young adukt. Over the years and after many failed relationships I have realized that I am happiest alone. I like being home and doing my thing and not engaging with anyone. I find trying to maintain friendships and any relationship exhausting. Its way more effort than Im willing to give. I have not dated or been with anyone in 7 years and Im more than OK with that. I skip most social functions and dont respond to invites from co workers to go out for happy hour or to eat. I have no desire to go. Ever.

    I have 2 grown children with families of their own and 3 grandchildren. Im ok seeing them regularly but thats the most socialization that I have. I work full time and although Id rather keep to myself my job entails patient/ coworker contact. By the end of the day I want to be left alone and just go home. Im not bored, depressed, sad or angry. I just prefer my own company and happy that I read here that there are others just like me. Thank you all for sharing your stories.

    Regards,

    • Zinda
    • February 21, 2016

    I also stumbled upon this blog by searching if there is something wrong with me because I prefer to be alone all the time. I am 55 and female and live alone with my 22 lb cat. I cant stand to go out, be social or fake being interested in what others are talking about. I dont care. I was always very sociable and thought the world would end if I missed a weekend night out as a teen and young adult. Over the years and after many failed relationships I have realized that I am happiest alone. I like being home and doing my thing and not engaging with anyone. I find trying to maintain friendships and any relationship exhausting. Its way more effort than Im willing to give. I have not dated or been with anyone in 7 years and Im more than OK with that. I skip most social functions and dont respond to invites from co workers to go out for happy hour or to eat. I have no desire to go. Ever.

    I have 2 grown children with families of their own and 3 grandchildren. Im ok seeing them regularly but thats the most socialization that I have. I work full time and although Id rather keep to myself my job entails patient/ coworker contact. By the end of the day I want to be left alone and just go home. Im not bored, depressed, sad or angry. I just prefer my own company and happy that I read here that there are others just like me. Thank you all for sharing your stories.

    Regards,

    • judith
    • February 28, 2016

    I just came across this site an hour ago and am still reading the interesting and helpful comments. I found the site by googling “recluse.” I will try to write out my “story/situation” another day. It’s hard.

    • Lenny
    • March 3, 2016

    Wow! What a great blog to stumble across. I’m a 43 year old male and have always struggled with social occasions and work nights out…etc. I’ve worked abroad and travelled most of my working life and missed the whole marriage and kids thing but if I’m truely honest with myself I’ve just always loved solitude and contemplation. I prefer reading philosophy, self improvement and thinking about the meaning of life rather than getting involved in the complete silliness of the rat race.

    I’ve pissed off family, girlfriends and great friends with my reclusiveness but I prefer it that way.

    I’m very content bieng alone with the simple things in life and making ends meet. I think there is a lot to be said for bieng content with just my own mind contemplating the bigger things in life.

    • Judy L.
    • March 6, 2016

    I am so glad I found this blog! I stumbled across it as others have. I was researching whether or not there was something wrong with my enjoying my own company and not needing to depend on other people to make me happy or enjoy my life. Let me say, I’m 70 years old, and was raised an only child. I never felt lonely, and always found ways to entertain myself. Since I retired, others have said I should join this organization, or a church, take this class, etc. to fill my time and help me meet new friends. I thought they were right and so I tried. But never seemed to meet new friends, or be interested in these things. After reading this blog, I realize there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m fortunate to enjoy my own company and be my own best friend. I’m thankful for this place to share our experiences and hopefully help others.

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